why my neighbors will never follow me on twitter...

I met Baba Esther at the Cargo village in JKIA, driving a Swissport cargo tractor.

HIM: Emily!

ME: OMG hey!

HIM: You work here??

ME: No. I work around here!

HIM: Let me go park this and come see your office...who knows, i might bump in for tea or coffee

ME: me ~> O_o.. Actually now that you know where I work I think I'll have to quit my job and find another one somewhere else...

HIM:  Are you serious?

ME: YES! 

 He's never talked to me since then.

Wangeci, she's not really a friend but it's a we-have-to-be-friends-because-we-are-neighbors- kinda friendship. She's a.....what my bro calls a she-Yokozuna. She always asks me to carry stuff for her when going up the stairs, every time we bump into each other at the gate. we are on the same floor, the 5th floor. This day that our friendship broke,  I joked about her weight.

ME: I hate it when we have to stop after every floor.

HER: We all know you have nothing to do in the house, twende pole pole

ME: I hate that this friendship will have to end because of your weight, I'm not going to wait another minute for you to catch your breathe..also, this bag is full of junk and we all know I'll have none of it.

Then I put her stuff down and left for my house. The next day I said hi, she looked like if she would, she'd butt-smother me.

Then there's Njoro. I tweeted about this incidence last week. I went to pick my DVDs and found his supposedly girl-friend in his house, who has no sense of humor whatsoever!  just like everybody else;

 ME: Hey. Hapa ni kwa Njoro? (insert cheeky smile)

HER: yeah.

ME:...... and you are?

HER: his girlfriend...

ME: uh huh! hah!

HER: What does that mean?

ME: what does what mean?

HER:  (visibly angry) akikuja ntamwambia you came for your DVDs..

ME: er...wacha tu, i'll call and tell him i was here...or i'll just wait until he comes home, his house...home. by the way, Hse no. 17B

 The next day, Njoro asked me to go straighten everything up, tell her who I was and why I chuckled when she said she was the girlfried.


Another incident with Ruth; her nephews always come to visit her during the weekend, a fact I didn't know. She banned the young boys from my balcony ever since that day I told her,

there are kids around here who make so much noise on Saturdays, one day I might push them down the stairs or over the balcony!"

HER: THEY ARE MY NEPHEWS!

ME: I take that back then.

Apparently my neighbors do not have aaaaaaaaaany sense of funny, by funny I mean humor...and I'm not moving out of that flat any time soon.

You came really close to clever before veering off into a ditch and exploding in a flaming ball of stupid.