sexy.........when, where and why?

Definition:  what is perceived sexually attractive either to the opposite sex, or same sex, either by showing off the cleavage, legs...and a little skin here and there.

"sexual revolution came with wearing clothes that guaranteed we would get laid!"

--Emy Wanza

What's sexy to one, might be slutty to another. what's slutty to one, might be outright freaky and VERY DISTURBING to another. So, what is considered sexy and what is considered slutty? I don't know. But I'll talk about me.

Sexy, is when I'm cooking and cleaning in my underwear, same applies to men, I'd consider a man with just boxers and an apron sexy in the Kitchen. It's in the confinement of four walls, why not?

Sexy, is sleeping naked, or in a tiny flowery nightie that basically feels nothing on the skin.

A man whose phone's wallpaper is that of his girlfriend or wife. I find such men Neo-sexy

sexy is when I'm all naked and just free...i bet my skin loves it when it breaths

Sexy is when I'm in heels. yeah, four to five inch-high heels. I feel sexier, confident and womanly in them. Of course some heels are sorta kinda slutty. yeah, you know, the clear-glass-platformy kinda shoes

 I feel sexy in mini skirts, about a few centimeters of skin above the knees, that, even excites me...a little cleavage on the sides too, but the B-cup insecurity is engraved in my personality wall, i tend to think anyone with anything lower than a C-cup should just, cover them up. Someone once told me B cups are just the size of a D-cup's hard nipple, i was scarred for life.

I love my men absy, they never hurt anybody you know, i need those in my man too. actually i don't mind a tight tummy as long as *ahem* it's not a protruberate..pot-belly

I'm Five foot nothing, you'll be surprised by the kind of men i like....tall, not just tall, but tall tall, at least a foot or two taller than me. *smiles*. I like my men looking down on me (it sounds wrong), at least i know he's listening and it's super sexy!! I find standing on my toes while kissing mega sexy too!


Sexy is not trying too hard, neither is it doing it anyway, anyhow. I've seen sexy women in church, and I've seen grubby looking women in clubs, that's Sexy totally misplaced. Some women move from sandals to heels, hence adopting the i-might-have-a-stick-stuck-up-my-ass- kinda walk. NOT SEXY.
If it's too short and you are javing, please put on stockings, pulling the skirt/dress down every 10secs is not sexy and having mkokoteni/makanga men catcalling you is neither.That's all.

a few sexy quotes for you......

There's nothing wrong with my tits but I don't go around throwing them in people's faces."

-- Joan Crawford

I didn't discover curves; I only uncovered them."

-- Mae West

"Look your best--who said love is blind?"
-- Mae West

I thinks this chick is wearing an "airplane" skirt, because if she bends over, everyone is going to see the cockpit.

-Emy Wanza

 

Jehovah Witnesses....pass?

    Growing up, it was clear that, Jehovah Witnesses were not allowed in the house. Well, my mum simply asked for the booklets/pamphlets and politely asked them to leave, she'd read them later, as for me, i never really liked them, but i always read the booklets, which always contradicted what i was taught in Sunday school.
    Anyway, when I'm at home, and they come knocking, i never open for them, i try not to make any kind of noise that would suggest I'm in, then after a few minutes, they slip the papers under the door. Well, sometimes i wish i could shoo them away, but you know what they say, "never chase away the men of God." so i chose to just..ignore and pretend i never heard them knock.
     This fateful day i was basking outside, it was a warm lovely Saturday. Two women and one guy. they said hi, i responded with an awkward smile

JH: we are here to spread the word of God, can we have a minute of your time.

Me: (thinking, that's 60secs) sure

JH: if you don't mind, will you change for the word

Me: what's wrong with my dressing? I am dressed.

JH (lady 1): We thought the shorts were a little short

ME: you are spreading the word to me, not to the shorts..and the rest don't seem to mind.

JH: *giggles* (the guy) Hatujakuja vita..

Me: cool...start spreading (cheekily)

JH: Ok, which religion are you?

Me: catholic :-s

JH: what are your beliefs?

Me: Jesus is God, God is Jesus and the Holy Spirit is them, so, God is the Father, The Son and the Holy Spirit. also, the word is Jesus...and we can pray to God  through Mary, the virgin, and the Saints. In Jesus we are forgiven and through him there's eternity. and BTW, we are all sinners, no one is holy but God...though i think, our Pope is holy, I'm not sure why..

JH: *all laugh* i can imagine one of the ladies thinking "for a short wearer, she's got a grasp on things*

JH (lady 1):  there's only one God and his name is Jehovah. Jesus, is Jehovah's son, a separate individual, the holy spirit (uncapitalized) is simply Jehovah God's active force.
(Then she took out a Watchtower bible)

The WatchTower bible

Me: can we use my bible?? i have the St. James version...

JH (guy) : no, we can only use this one

Me: I've never heard of such a bible, let's use the mostly used version, just like every other Christian, you are Christians, right??

JH (guy) : we can only use this one..
.
Me: well, use yours and I'll use mine.. the bible says, Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit are one.

JH(guy): How can three personalities be one???

Me: Remember the same bile talks of Adam and Eve being one???

Lady1: Deuteronomy 6:4 states, "Hear O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is one. Isaiah 44:6 states, "I am the first and I am the last, and there is no God besides me..

Me:  For there are three who bear witness in heaven: the Father, the Word, and the Holy Spirit; and these three are one.” (1 John 5:7).. (then i gave them the knowing looking)

Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a Son, and shall call His name Immanuel.” (Isaiah 7:14)...Immanuel, GOD WITH US...  God with us! seriously how do you refute that.

 another verse about the Holy Spirit,  “Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy SpiritYou have not lied to men but to God.” (Acts 5:3-4 and keep back part of the price of the land for yourself? …  (now giving the knowing it all look)

 you don't get it, it's one God in three persons!! He's the father, the son and the Holy Spirit. He is one, in three. 

JH: (guy) : so you are saying Jesus is God, The Holy Spirit is God and God is God...by your calculation, doesn't that sound that 3 Gods?? and the same bible tells us we can only worship One God, the supreme, the creator and the only God..God the God, in your case, God the Father?? what about the other "Gods" do you worship them too..

Me: perusing the bible....

For there are three who bear witness in heaven: the Father, the Word, and the Holy Spirit; and these three are one.” (1 John 5:7. ....

JH (lady 2): Do you know Mary wasn't a virgin? he had brothers and sisters

Me: "Then said the LORD unto me; This gate shall be shut, it shall not be opened, and no man shall enter in by it; because the LORD, the God of Israel, hath entered in by it, therefore it shall be shut." (Ezekiel 44:2). We'll never know if that was symbolic, wouldn't we? biblically, sisters/brothers, doesn't mean siblings from the same mother, remember on the cross, Mary was alone when he entrusted her to her disciples. where were the sisters and the brothers? they were his half brothers and sisters, from Mary Magdalene..not Mary mother of Jesus, there was also Mary, the wife of Cleophas, they couldn't be sisters, all the Marys, so that means they'd have been from the same clan.
 
JH (guy 1): Let's get serious now, we'll tell what we really believe, and quote a few verses just as you did then we'll see if we can agree on one thing..let's start with the Trinity, as Jehovah witnesses and by the word of the bible Jesus was Michael the archangel, this can....

Me: Hold up, are you saying Jesus is the Archangel...Michael the Archangel???? This discussion is over, you have a lovely day...


Btw, i googled Michael Archangel and the results.....most believe he is Jesus.

The monthly more than 5hrs of hell

Bloggers talk of inspiration...a lot, and i always wonder, i'm i really a blogger since i got no inspiration at all when posting nothings on here??? then it hits me, i'm not a blogger, just some random woman who found a place to say whatever, whenever! But today, this post is a recount of a painful journey no, a 5 hrs journey of pain...aaaaah! that's the best way to put it.


DISCLAIMER: IT'S GROSS, GO BACK TO WHATEVER YOU WERE DOING

I see, reversed psychology sure works...

let. the. journey. begin.

2000hrs: A little pain here and there. I check the handbag/drawers to see if there are enough pain killers. the pain is not so much, so i decide to do the dishes and clean the kitchen

2045hrs: its sharper now. I take two tablets of meftal followed by an asprin knowing very well i'll repeat that a million times

2130hrs: this is the -tummy-confused- episode. it's not sure whether it's going through a stomach ache or just cramps. trip number one to the loo. i carry my phone to tweet and chat from there..

2145hrs:I leave the loo.I get a plastic bottle and heat water. It's gonna be a long night. Pop out 2 tablets and asprin again to ease the pain a little. it usually curbs 0.8% of the pain. yeah, it's stupid and a waste of medicine

2200hrs: Getting nauseous, i hate throwing up, but i run to the loo.. get pukey, at the same time holding a plastic bottle with hot water on my tummy.

2215hrs: i lie on the couch. watch something preferably a comedy. the pain is too much now. i pop the pain killing dosage again, not giving up. Empty the now warm water and pour in hot water..the kind that burns

2250hrs:I run to the loo, for some strange reason squatting has a relaxing feeling, so i don't leave the bathrom in a hurry. at that time i prolly wish i had a newspaper/book

2320hrs: I figure i'm doing nothing really. a thought crosses my mind, if i was pregnant i wouldn't be going through this. why i'm i not pregnant???

2330hrs: It's too much. i go outside,i look at the night sky, i'm not even sure of what i'm looking at...plus this is eastlands, i just can't take a walk...i go back inside

2345hrs: Nausea, again. I run to the bathroom. Hating myself now. wondering why it's happening to me.

2350hrs: I lie down on the flow, i try to do sit  ups...but i can't go past three. anyone listening carefully can hear me sob.

0010hrs: Another trip to the loo. it's so painful i understand why my brain/stomach keeps confusing it for a stomach ache/infection

0025hrs: back to the couch, another hot water refill. Last pain killing dosage.

0035hrs: i give up, switch of the telly and all the lights

0100hrs: aaaargh! I light everything back on and decide to do something else, like fold/iron clothes.

0110hrs: I check my watch "it's only been 10mins".. i slump on the bed, hoping to die just till the next day

0130hrs: now walking with a slouch. thinking -will this ever end-??? i lie down again on the couch. Now, i can't heat/boil any more water..i press the now warm bottle tightly on my stomach.....

0145hrs: i have to go puke....but i choose not to. few minutes later, i have to go to the loo, but i choose not to....


0800hrs: I wake up. i slept through it! *grooooooowl* that's the stomach rumbling. may the bloating begin! but that's nothng compared to the cramps

if you mess with me i'll feed you used tampons!

that day i actually kissed a girl

   

and no, this is not really how it happened

            This girl, let's call her Jen. ok, that's her real name...chances are, she'll never read this. We used to be close, really close. we did sleep overs, I always told her she was beautiful and a million times i'd told her i'd do her, if I was drunk enough and she'd jokingly ask me out and ask after a few drinks if i was drunk enough for me to take her to bed. All that time, i thought we were joking, little did i know..


       This one time, we went out, her, the boys (Alex, Mash and Mark) and I. It was a drinking spree..one of those, i broke up with my boyfriend, lets go hunt! kinda night. Alex always told me he never trusted our girlie friendship, so later that night, he dared us to kiss...like kiss kiss.

Me: psssht! what, i kiss my nephew, i kiss our kittens...it's nothing. i'd kiss her if i wanted to.

Alex: hah! for a G..i dare you to kiss Jen.

Me: on the lips?

Alex: Yes, on the lips.

Me: make that 2Gs

Alex: make that 5 secs..the kiss, 5 secs long

Me: you'd need to chuck 3Gs for that.

Alex: 3Gs, 10 secs.

Me: *grabbed the 3Gs, put in my handbag* Jen, will you mind kissing me.

Jen: not really, do you?

Me: for 3Gs, i'd kiss the bar tender.

Then we kissed. IT felt like eternity, especially after Jenny decided to go all french on me.. i couldn't loose the 3Gs already, no. i held on..literally. and she held on..literally. 15secs later i had to push her away........

Alex: it only took 3Gs for you two to cross the line. hah! now go get a room!

The night ended awkwardly. i didn't know what to think..and the fact that i giggled after the kiss and winked at her didn't help. i'll tell you why..

That night, coincidentally Aleki was our ride, and er...he dropped me off at Jen's place. yeah. I didn't want to show them the kiss was 'something'..and er...the sleepover was a bit awkward, we usually hugged up but this time i realy opted not to. but i did'nt tell her.

next morning...................

Me: OMG! what are you doing on top of me!

Jen: that's how i usually wake you up! :)  remember...

Me: God no, just get off of me.

Jen: shhhhh! You just broke up with  Donald, he was a jerk. and you deserved better.

Me: can we talk while sitted....and how is this (you on top of me) going to help with my break up????

Jen: ..what we did jana is something i've always wanted to do.

Me: yeah, i remember the tongue

Jen: Emy, even our friends see what we have is somehing else, something more, i've been hurt a lot, and i swore to never hurt anyone plus we are friends. it will be super. trust me.

Me: Are you hitting on me??? and why can't you get off of me, are you going to rape me. *why i asked that, i don't know*

Jen: no, i don't do that.and yes, i think this is the right time to tell you how i feel.......

Me: i  love you, as a friend, you are my friend, i never knew i was leading you on the whole time i talked about your beauty and how i'd do you...it was nothing sexual-ish.... i'm sorry.

Jen: Emy, you just don't say things, you think them, then say them..you are in denial..don't tell me when you said you'd do me you never really tought about it ....................*awkward silence* .......................and when you tell me i'm beautiful you don't really mean it ...........................*awkward silence* ............................................and that kiss last night, it was real, you should have withdrawn after the 10secs, but you didn't...........*awkward silence*

Me: i was drunk *voice a bit lower this time*

Jen: no you were'n't

Me: we were having fun...that was fun..nothing more. can we just forget it happened?!

Jen: no, i can't

then she leaned over to kiss me..erm, i didn't really kiss back???? i didn't move.....until she lifted the t-shirt i was wearing. I knew i had to stop her..i knew i had to stop myself...i pushed???? and she let go. i had to get out of there...and fast!





This monday the 14th

           

             I was watching this movie BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY and there's a bit she says "i suddenly realized that unless something changed soon, i was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine..and i'd finally die fat and alone and be found 3 weeks later half eaten by wild dogs." It's a lovely movie, main cast Renee Zellweger and Hugh Grant.

       
            Tomorrow monday the 14th, most women will be having such thoughts..especially single women. It's sad that we wait for holidays and feb the 14th to figure that we need men, or women to be complete. Btw, this sunday the 13th i went to get myself a hot dog from tuskys, thanks to my sis constant praises. At the supermarket they make the hot dogs near the entrance, and guess what, just a few meters from the hotdogs joint, there were shelves of red stuff, valentine stuff, and 100% of the people checking them out were men. Uh huh, i decided to do a 5mins mohammed Ali research. i asked the hotdogs guy to give me a minute to search for atleast a place/shelf with 'gifts for him' crowded by women, but nada. Not even a shelf of cards. Then i thought, maybe women aren't supposed to get men anything this monday the 14th, either that, or the supermarket was against women giving out gifts this monday the 14th. I picked a packet of 250gm corn and grabbed my hotdog on my way out. Btw it tasted bad...the hotdog            

            Anyway, i met with my girlfriends for tea, yes tea and er..this is What i figured, 100% of them will dump their boyfriends If they didnt give them anything. 100% of them expect a call between 0000hrs and 0900hrs. 90% of them will dump their boyfriends If they just called or gave them a card, only. And 75% of them will move to plan B in case the boyfriends didnt hint on anything valentine-ish, yes, they have plan Bs. After the tea i went back to my place thinking, most women will be disappointed this monday the 14th. They've put the bar waaay up there. They expect too much and they'll be disappointed that much. So, i made a sufuria of popcorn, remember the corn, and watched that movie. Then i got a light bulb moment, actually 90% of single women will get some major surprise this monday the 14th..

     I remembered last year, i chuckled..not the best 14th ever but, i wont tell, it was a surprise. Another thought crossed my mind, If He was here, i'd have gotten him a leather wallet, and a bottle of wine, of course the wine is meant for me. And i'd only expect a rose, a box of assorted chocolate and his presence. Then i'd take him to the bedroom and show him What my wishes are between monday the 14th and sunday the 31st December....by cuffing him to the bed and making him wish he never left it, that Would hint What my wish was. ;-)