The monthly more than 5hrs of hell

Bloggers talk of inspiration...a lot, and i always wonder, i'm i really a blogger since i got no inspiration at all when posting nothings on here??? then it hits me, i'm not a blogger, just some random woman who found a place to say whatever, whenever! But today, this post is a recount of a painful journey no, a 5 hrs journey of pain...aaaaah! that's the best way to put it.


DISCLAIMER: IT'S GROSS, GO BACK TO WHATEVER YOU WERE DOING

I see, reversed psychology sure works...

let. the. journey. begin.

2000hrs: A little pain here and there. I check the handbag/drawers to see if there are enough pain killers. the pain is not so much, so i decide to do the dishes and clean the kitchen

2045hrs: its sharper now. I take two tablets of meftal followed by an asprin knowing very well i'll repeat that a million times

2130hrs: this is the -tummy-confused- episode. it's not sure whether it's going through a stomach ache or just cramps. trip number one to the loo. i carry my phone to tweet and chat from there..

2145hrs:I leave the loo.I get a plastic bottle and heat water. It's gonna be a long night. Pop out 2 tablets and asprin again to ease the pain a little. it usually curbs 0.8% of the pain. yeah, it's stupid and a waste of medicine

2200hrs: Getting nauseous, i hate throwing up, but i run to the loo.. get pukey, at the same time holding a plastic bottle with hot water on my tummy.

2215hrs: i lie on the couch. watch something preferably a comedy. the pain is too much now. i pop the pain killing dosage again, not giving up. Empty the now warm water and pour in hot water..the kind that burns

2250hrs:I run to the loo, for some strange reason squatting has a relaxing feeling, so i don't leave the bathrom in a hurry. at that time i prolly wish i had a newspaper/book

2320hrs: I figure i'm doing nothing really. a thought crosses my mind, if i was pregnant i wouldn't be going through this. why i'm i not pregnant???

2330hrs: It's too much. i go outside,i look at the night sky, i'm not even sure of what i'm looking at...plus this is eastlands, i just can't take a walk...i go back inside

2345hrs: Nausea, again. I run to the bathroom. Hating myself now. wondering why it's happening to me.

2350hrs: I lie down on the flow, i try to do sit  ups...but i can't go past three. anyone listening carefully can hear me sob.

0010hrs: Another trip to the loo. it's so painful i understand why my brain/stomach keeps confusing it for a stomach ache/infection

0025hrs: back to the couch, another hot water refill. Last pain killing dosage.

0035hrs: i give up, switch of the telly and all the lights

0100hrs: aaaargh! I light everything back on and decide to do something else, like fold/iron clothes.

0110hrs: I check my watch "it's only been 10mins".. i slump on the bed, hoping to die just till the next day

0130hrs: now walking with a slouch. thinking -will this ever end-??? i lie down again on the couch. Now, i can't heat/boil any more water..i press the now warm bottle tightly on my stomach.....

0145hrs: i have to go puke....but i choose not to. few minutes later, i have to go to the loo, but i choose not to....


0800hrs: I wake up. i slept through it! *grooooooowl* that's the stomach rumbling. may the bloating begin! but that's nothng compared to the cramps

if you mess with me i'll feed you used tampons!

that day i actually kissed a girl

   

and no, this is not really how it happened

            This girl, let's call her Jen. ok, that's her real name...chances are, she'll never read this. We used to be close, really close. we did sleep overs, I always told her she was beautiful and a million times i'd told her i'd do her, if I was drunk enough and she'd jokingly ask me out and ask after a few drinks if i was drunk enough for me to take her to bed. All that time, i thought we were joking, little did i know..


       This one time, we went out, her, the boys (Alex, Mash and Mark) and I. It was a drinking spree..one of those, i broke up with my boyfriend, lets go hunt! kinda night. Alex always told me he never trusted our girlie friendship, so later that night, he dared us to kiss...like kiss kiss.

Me: psssht! what, i kiss my nephew, i kiss our kittens...it's nothing. i'd kiss her if i wanted to.

Alex: hah! for a G..i dare you to kiss Jen.

Me: on the lips?

Alex: Yes, on the lips.

Me: make that 2Gs

Alex: make that 5 secs..the kiss, 5 secs long

Me: you'd need to chuck 3Gs for that.

Alex: 3Gs, 10 secs.

Me: *grabbed the 3Gs, put in my handbag* Jen, will you mind kissing me.

Jen: not really, do you?

Me: for 3Gs, i'd kiss the bar tender.

Then we kissed. IT felt like eternity, especially after Jenny decided to go all french on me.. i couldn't loose the 3Gs already, no. i held on..literally. and she held on..literally. 15secs later i had to push her away........

Alex: it only took 3Gs for you two to cross the line. hah! now go get a room!

The night ended awkwardly. i didn't know what to think..and the fact that i giggled after the kiss and winked at her didn't help. i'll tell you why..

That night, coincidentally Aleki was our ride, and er...he dropped me off at Jen's place. yeah. I didn't want to show them the kiss was 'something'..and er...the sleepover was a bit awkward, we usually hugged up but this time i realy opted not to. but i did'nt tell her.

next morning...................

Me: OMG! what are you doing on top of me!

Jen: that's how i usually wake you up! :)  remember...

Me: God no, just get off of me.

Jen: shhhhh! You just broke up with  Donald, he was a jerk. and you deserved better.

Me: can we talk while sitted....and how is this (you on top of me) going to help with my break up????

Jen: ..what we did jana is something i've always wanted to do.

Me: yeah, i remember the tongue

Jen: Emy, even our friends see what we have is somehing else, something more, i've been hurt a lot, and i swore to never hurt anyone plus we are friends. it will be super. trust me.

Me: Are you hitting on me??? and why can't you get off of me, are you going to rape me. *why i asked that, i don't know*

Jen: no, i don't do that.and yes, i think this is the right time to tell you how i feel.......

Me: i  love you, as a friend, you are my friend, i never knew i was leading you on the whole time i talked about your beauty and how i'd do you...it was nothing sexual-ish.... i'm sorry.

Jen: Emy, you just don't say things, you think them, then say them..you are in denial..don't tell me when you said you'd do me you never really tought about it ....................*awkward silence* .......................and when you tell me i'm beautiful you don't really mean it ...........................*awkward silence* ............................................and that kiss last night, it was real, you should have withdrawn after the 10secs, but you didn't...........*awkward silence*

Me: i was drunk *voice a bit lower this time*

Jen: no you were'n't

Me: we were having fun...that was fun..nothing more. can we just forget it happened?!

Jen: no, i can't

then she leaned over to kiss me..erm, i didn't really kiss back???? i didn't move.....until she lifted the t-shirt i was wearing. I knew i had to stop her..i knew i had to stop myself...i pushed???? and she let go. i had to get out of there...and fast!





This monday the 14th

           

             I was watching this movie BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY and there's a bit she says "i suddenly realized that unless something changed soon, i was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine..and i'd finally die fat and alone and be found 3 weeks later half eaten by wild dogs." It's a lovely movie, main cast Renee Zellweger and Hugh Grant.

       
            Tomorrow monday the 14th, most women will be having such thoughts..especially single women. It's sad that we wait for holidays and feb the 14th to figure that we need men, or women to be complete. Btw, this sunday the 13th i went to get myself a hot dog from tuskys, thanks to my sis constant praises. At the supermarket they make the hot dogs near the entrance, and guess what, just a few meters from the hotdogs joint, there were shelves of red stuff, valentine stuff, and 100% of the people checking them out were men. Uh huh, i decided to do a 5mins mohammed Ali research. i asked the hotdogs guy to give me a minute to search for atleast a place/shelf with 'gifts for him' crowded by women, but nada. Not even a shelf of cards. Then i thought, maybe women aren't supposed to get men anything this monday the 14th, either that, or the supermarket was against women giving out gifts this monday the 14th. I picked a packet of 250gm corn and grabbed my hotdog on my way out. Btw it tasted bad...the hotdog            

            Anyway, i met with my girlfriends for tea, yes tea and er..this is What i figured, 100% of them will dump their boyfriends If they didnt give them anything. 100% of them expect a call between 0000hrs and 0900hrs. 90% of them will dump their boyfriends If they just called or gave them a card, only. And 75% of them will move to plan B in case the boyfriends didnt hint on anything valentine-ish, yes, they have plan Bs. After the tea i went back to my place thinking, most women will be disappointed this monday the 14th. They've put the bar waaay up there. They expect too much and they'll be disappointed that much. So, i made a sufuria of popcorn, remember the corn, and watched that movie. Then i got a light bulb moment, actually 90% of single women will get some major surprise this monday the 14th..

     I remembered last year, i chuckled..not the best 14th ever but, i wont tell, it was a surprise. Another thought crossed my mind, If He was here, i'd have gotten him a leather wallet, and a bottle of wine, of course the wine is meant for me. And i'd only expect a rose, a box of assorted chocolate and his presence. Then i'd take him to the bedroom and show him What my wishes are between monday the 14th and sunday the 31st December....by cuffing him to the bed and making him wish he never left it, that Would hint What my wish was. ;-)

WOMEN DRIVERS

am pretty sure that woman had a good reason....or not.

when anything (our cars) breakdown, we loose our minds...+ one shoe (it's always one shoe,why??) + a piece of clothing....and what the hell is that she's trying to change the tyre with???

i bet she's calling the boyfriend, cursing him for not taking her wherever she was going.....then she'll ask him to come help her out.....before the popo arrive.

we never know our car sizes...& bra sizes..& shoe sizes...& clothes sizes...that's why we always squeeze ourselves in anything 2 sizes smaller.

sometimes we just don't know when to shut up...best solution, that ^^^^..

this is what happens when a few PMSing drivers meet..enough said.

BEST THING AFTER HUMAN HAIR WEAVES

it's been said again and again that women are bad drivers..well,

Women do not know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?'
Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn. 
Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.
Women can get out of traffic offenses by pouting. This will get men arrested.

of life and lemons.....

When life gives you lemons, be sure to send a hand written thank you note for the lemons, as email thank you notes can appear to be less sincere.
i mean, you are living already, do with the lemons, the dead sorta envy you and they'd do anything to have the lemons.

When life gives you lemons suck out all of the vitamin C and yell “EAT THAT, LIFE!
there's always something good about life, if you look really hard. try and make every bad thing positive and the ones you can't change. forget and  move on.

When life gives you lemons ask for salt and tequila!
yeah, if you believe in a higher deity. Never be content with what life gives you, always strive for better things. if you get a crappy job, thank God you have it, but no one said you can't keep praying for a better job and pay.

When life gives you lemons, make orange juice, then let everyone wonder how the heck you did it.
At times people make us to believe we are loosers. Nothing is ever the way you want it to be, people se nothing good of you and you never seem to get out of the rut you're in. other than branding yourself a looser, surprise everyone, strive to make it, it always pays off.

When life gives you lemons, collect them one day life will stop and u would have the most lemons ever.
Ok, that is for everyone who just gave up. It's always good to be the miserable goon everyone knows, it's a title, right?

When life hands you lemons make lemonade and find someone else who life handed vodka to, and have a party...
Exactly! i believe that's self explanatory... it's all about friends and sometimes family.

When life gives you lemons alter their DNA and make super lemons!!!
making the best out of everything, that's whatssup! Nothing is ever that bad, if altered.

When life gives you lemons just shut up and eat your damn lemons.
NO one really cares. every body prolly has lemons, the last thing they want to hear is yu talk about your lemons..

When life gives you lemons sell them on.
Human is into energy. bad energy is transferable. Don't be miserable alone, spread it! if at a 'price', even better!

When life gives you lemons when no one is looking, throw them through life’s window and run away.
LOl, more like suicide. 
When life gives you lemons, squirt the juice in his eye
When life gives you lemons, find a kid with a paper cut..
When life gives you lemons, ask for the receipt

if there's one thing i came to know, life hates lemons.