just two things.

You know what they say, you haven't lived until you've burst out of a vagina, naked.


   After that, all you do, you do to prolong your time/life on this shitty planet which honestly, I'm not a fan of.  What really bugs me is how some of you choose to live the way other people want you to live. Morally, financially, sexually, most of us restrict ourselves to what we believe is 'normal.' I don't believe anyone has the right to impose their morals on other people. If one wants to be a whore, let them be Whether it's an attention seeking whore, a whore for money whore, a gold digging whore, a fat ass liar whore, a man pimp whore, just let them be and seriously, looking carefully, we've all done a little whoring in our lives.

I'm quite a cussing whore when i particularly feel bad ass

  I was once in a verbal fight with some guy friend because I kept referring to every shitload he did as gay. No, you do not call a male waiter "dear.", matching bracelets and shoes, seriously? strawberry lip gloss? supras at 28? I'm not saying all that is gay GAY, what i mean is, it's gay LAME, and the shithead couldn't understand all that was for shits and giggles. Since then I've been trying to break-dance back to his life, for friendship's sake and yes, he's quite busy with the silent treatment, which is also, gay. And it's not like, being gay is a bad thing...

 always remember, Carbon is just a shitload of heat and pressure away from becoming a diamond. you are the carbon, work on being a gem, I mean diamond.

Shit my mum says...

she has nothing to explain...to anyone.

We all love our mommies, right?
RIGHT!
They can piss the living shit out of you. But seriously, isn't that what tough love is??? No? Then my mom has been doing it wrong!
Anyway, the whole, shit my mom says was suggested by   Flowkadenge . He thinks my mom is funny..ok, I think my mom is funny so I made him think she was.. She has this habit of making fun of people in a funny way, you end up crying when laughing...or vice versa. She does it in Kamba! I'll be posting whenever

Anyways..

Mom: Jesus! Don't you ever add any weight?
Me: mom, we are not having this conversation....again.
Mom: (to anyone standing/seated nearby) Does she even look like my daughter?? Look at me..and look at her. huyu hakulangi! Yuko na kilo 40 kama kuku
Me: Mooom! seriously.
Mom: look at her younger sister... only 17 years old. She looks 'bigger' than her..not forgetting the height. Wanza (me)  alikula manylon akiwa mdogo haki
17 y o Sis: I'm not that fat????!
Mom: you're not?? Look at you! Kitimba kyaku kina kyuu (your butt has a shadow!)
Sis: Ngai mom :(
Mom: Ngiti syi kwatiia syeetelee kivaluke (dogs follow you expecting the butt to fall off!)

We burst out laughing.

Sis gives her the -if-you-weren't-my-mom-i'd-kill-you-right-now look

but hey!

women!

Ladies, the next time a guy has the courage to talk to you, remember he's not wearing makeup. Also, remember what you look like without it.
Look down at yourself, are you wearing a push-up bra?
Is your hair 'relaxed'? or 'weaved??' yes???
You are 30% fake.
You don't term one a pierce of shit, whilst you are a shit-stain.

"I want a guy who treats me right, listens to me and makes me feel good. But until then, I'll keep dating assholes and complaining." - all Women

Not everyone is Trey Songz, or Neyo...those too have flaws you know
We are lucky we are not all indians or conservative Maasais who get to have arranged marriages
We were given this one opportunity to chose our partners, but we seem to have blown it.

Most men born in the 1800's would roll over in their grave if they saw how much we, women are allowed to talk nowadays.

Until women stop being shallow minded, then we'll have to live with shallow minded men too.

I really hope women who get dumbed in public realize they're making it super awkward for the rest of us.

If you made him think you're after him for whatever reasons, then he'll dumb you when he's done with you for whatever reasons

Just saying

cRook

If your omelette does not turn into scrambled eggs, then i need to marry you.

Also, pancakes, if yours do not stick on the pan, then we should swap pans because I choose not to believe I can't cook pancakes. My pan is evil and it hates me...

Do you burn boiled eggs.....??
And every time you boil your milk, do you end up with half of what you had before boiling it? OMG! me too!

Why in the world don't we have 'good food' recipes with less than five ingredients..???

What is the first thing you think of when you run out of dishes/pans/ blah blah blah and the sink is loaded?? personally, I shout at the dishes "I'm not going to wash you! you are not the boss of me! you do not tell me what to do!"...then I curl up in a fetal position and take biscuits and juice

Basically I can't cook to save a roach and...and I need a smoke detector in my house.......also, my husband should be loaded enough to get us a chef. That is all.

Fashion...what's hot, what's not...and who cares!

"Emy, describe.....fashion."

"erm.............. clothes???"

"NO."

"OK."

Is it me or is everyone trying too hard fashion-wise??? what happened to simplicity?? what happened to the days when you just had to look good.. not really fashionable. What's with the million bangles??? what's with the hundred rings??? And why are women walking around in 6' high towers (heels) and will you all stop with the funny looking colored eye shadows!

and, leggings are not pants! cover your ass! Not with a skirt, stupid! or a dress...leggings/jeggings go well with dress-tops (say what?). If your skirt is short and you have to cover your legs, put on stockings, not leggings.

Have you ever seen a woman who's matched the handbag with the earrings and the belt and the shoes! then the top with the bangles and the pants/skirt matching the top and thought, "this is one sad woman?" that's just me?? Oh well

I know my bra strap is showing, and yes, I don't care. Go chew one! ~Emy

I'll put on a weave if i ever feel like it, if you have a problem with that, go hump a horse! ~Emy